Can anyone give me presentation advice to try to get new funding for my business?

This link will take you to some general advice

Avoid these typical problems:

The top annoyances (respondents cited that the item was one of their top three annoyances) in a presenation were as follows:
The speaker read the slides to us 62.0%
Text was so small I couldn't read it 46.9%
Slides hard to see because of color choice 42.6%
Full sentences instead of bullet points 39.1%
Moving/flying text or graphics 24.8%
Overly complex diagrams or charts 22.2%

Thanks for your note biz advice interesting statistics

One of the legacies of the dot com era is that too many business focus on the concept and the hype and spend less time on the financials. I would make sure in the presentation that you have a couple pages of financial summaries and in the appendix you put together more detailed financial pages. Make sure that your assumptions are realistic and are based upon something other than a straight line hockey stick.

I would approach your banker for some guidelines whether or not you end up going with them, they see a lot of requests and probably have some standard forms that you can use that should help you in completing the task.

Adding to what Biz-Advice said in regards to the presenter reading the slides to the audience. You need to put some personality into the presentation. That's not to say you tell jokes, but it gets very boring for the participant if they're listening to someone drone on.

One good suggestion is tell stories. Story telling always works better when presenting information.

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I agree with EASJennifer people always remember and are entertained by stories - as long as they are relevant to your discussions.