Your first mistake was grayson. He is cool and good at some stuff, but he just doesn't have the mind yet for campaign critical work.

First, too much text, way too much. There is of a visual nature that will draw the attention. Your ad should be able to say, without words, what it sells to.

Is it too late for some changes, or have you submitted the final artwork already?

EDIT: Why didnt you ask me, you know this is what I did in my previous life (and still do for friends).